Gratitude with an Attitude; It All Starts With You; 365 Days of Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

Gratitude To Members

Thank you. You were kind when I started this journey in 2021. You amazed me with your thoughtful comments and great ideas 💡 for future posts. While I took a hiatus, you hung in there….in fact Kindness Magnet grew by more than 140% this past year, which shows how much you all value the importance of kindness. We are now in 39 U.S. states and 42 countries 🌍, all because of you. To each of you, thank you. 💜 You’re good peeps. To my new friends, Welcome. To my old friends, Welcome Back.

What’s Up This Year

Come with me on an treasure hunt 🗺 to discover the scientific powers of kindness! Let’s have some fun along the way, building useful kindness habits that we can use to improve our health, our relationships, our success, and our happiness.

And that’s all backed by scientific research. (I promise, I don’t just make this stuff up!)

This Week’s Kindness Habit…backed by science 🧪:

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. Thinking about it gives me a cool dopamine high, but I realized that if we want to get the most out of gratitude, we need to act out on those thoughts (in a good way!). It’s Gratitude with an Attitude!

Levels of Gratitude

Did you know, there are three levels of gratitude?

• Stealth Gratitude

• Self-Benefit Gratitude

• Other-Benefit Gratitude

Stealth Gratitude

I bet you’ve heard about keeping a Gratitude Journal. 📝 Maybe you have one. You record things you are grateful for. You can revisit your journal and relive those moments, anytime.  It helps you remember what you’re grateful for and it also helps you build an attitude of gratitude. All good. 👏

It is, however, solely focused on you.  You write it. ✍ You read it. 📖

Self-Benefit and Other-Benefit Gratitude

Studies have shown that expressing gratitude is the key to better health, relationships, success, and happiness. There are two ways to express gratitude.

With the Self-Benefit method we talk about how much we have benefited by being helped. Those expressions of gratitude start with the word “I”. For example, “I got so much attention because of….”, or “I felt so much better because…”. I know I’ve been guilty of expressing my gratitude in this way. Maybe it should be called the Me-Me-Me method.

Then there’s the Other-Benefit method….where we say positive things about the person who did something kind for us. You guessed it. Those expressions of gratitude usually start with the word “You”. For example, “You went out of your way to help”, or “You’re so good at sharing”. Let’s call this the You-You-You method.

Researchers found that the Other-Benefit method resulted in the benefactor feeling positive, understood, and cared for, while Self-Benefit Gratitude didn’t. 

Hmmm, something to ponder.

Practicing Other Benefit Gratitude

Sometimes when I’m grateful, I just blow it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. I just don’t always connect the dots between feeling grateful and expressing gratitude.

This week I’m going to work on expressing my gratitude to others, starting with the word, ‘YOU’.

Here’s an example: Thank you for joining me here today at Kindness Magnet. Your comments are thoughtful and your willingness to spread ripples of kindness keep me going!

I hope you will join me in expressing Other-Benefit Gratitude. 💜

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Your Feedback is Appreciated

With the start of a new year, your constructive comments are really appreciated. How can I best serve you? How can we work together to spread kindness everywhere? What would make your day when you open the Kindness Magnet newsletter?

Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments below, or, if you prefer, simply reply to this email and I will receive your comments in private.

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365 Days of Gratitude

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” ~ Willie Nelson

John Kralik had reached rock bottom. His law firm was about to go under.  He was getting a divorce.  He rarely saw his children.  At 53 his life’s dreams were a distant memory.  He was unhappy, overweight, and out of shape.  He was reduced to living in a tiny apartment with a broken air conditioner.  Life had dealt him a bad hand.  At least, it felt that way.

His mailbox was a trash can for junk mail, so John only cleaned it out once a week or so.  He was shocked to discover an envelope inside with his name handwritten on the front.  He opened it to find that his ex-girlfriend (yes, that had failed, too) had written him a thank you note for a Christmas gift he had given to her.  The note read:
“Thank you for the wonderful gifts you gave to me.  I really enjoyed the time we shared together on Christmas Eve.  You are a joy and I really appreciate how special you make me feel.  Love, Grace.”

John had written one thank you note in his life.  It was to his grandfather, who had given him a silver dollar, telling John that if he wrote a thank you note, he would receive another silver dollar.  His grandfather said that expressing gratitude is what makes the world go round.  So John wrote the note.  And he received a second silver dollar from his grandfather.  It was the last silver dollar he would receive, because John didn’t write a second thank you note.  In fact, he hadn’t written a thank you note for years. 

But after reflecting on how happy Grace’s note made him feel and remembering his grandfather’s words, John made a decision.  He needed to change the trajectory of his life.  He decided to write 365 thank you notes in the coming year.  One for each day.  Maybe there was some magic to this whole gratitude thing.

At first he struggled.  What could he possibly be grateful for.  Life seemed so bleak.  His first note?  To his older son.  The note led to his son inviting him to lunch.  Another note thanking an old attorney friend for listening to John’s troubles.  Another to his paralegal, who had remained faithful to his law firm, even in times of trouble.  Another to his doctor and another to a client who consistently paid their bill on time. 365 notes.   

The more John wrote, the more his outlook on life and his good fortune improved.  His thank you notes, once challenging to write, became a habit that he enjoyed.  His law firm became profitable.  His relationships got better.  His 30 year dream of becoming a Superior Court Judge became a reality.  And I suppose, if his grandfather had still been alive, he would have sent John another silver dollar. 

( Simple Act of Gratitude by John Kralik is available on Amazon)

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Share Gratitude

If you enjoyed this research on gratitude, please share the article with your friends. 💜

Visit Our Kindness Library

Want a little more kindness in your life? You can visit our library of articles by clicking here! Enjoy!

Are you a Visitor? You’re invited to join our kindness community!

May your week be filled with kindness (and gratitude!) 💜

PS - Join me next week to receive your downloadable copy of “35 clues to the scientific benefits of kindness”.