The Power of Kindness Begins With One Small Step

Feel more confident and competent by practicing kindness

Image courtesy of Anwar Hussein; Getty Images

Princess Diana Takes One Kindness Step

In 1987, Princess Diana opened the United Kingdom’s first HIV/AIDS Unit in London at Middlesex Hospital.  She was just 26 years old.  While she was touring the hospital on her first visit, she made a point to shake the hand of one of the patients.  He was terminally ill with AIDS.  In the 1980’s there was a huge stigma surrounds AIDS.  People were afraid to touch a person infected with AIDS for fear of catching the disease.  Her simple act of kindness did more to remove the stigma surrounding AIDS than anyone in her time. 

Two years later on her 3 day Tour Across the Pond, in Harlem Hospital in New York, Diana paused during her visit to stroke 5 AIDS babies.  She then noticed a 7 year old boy with AIDS in his pajamas and she picked him up and cuddled him.  This incident was depicted in the NETFLIX series, “The Crown”, with a slight modification.  Often, movies embellish parts of a story to make them more exciting, but the real life event was just as powerful.  The pediatric director at the Harlem Hospital told Diana, “Your presence here and in Great Britain has shown that folks with this disease can be hugged, can be cared for.” 

This visit came at a time when Diana was feeling alienated from the royal family and her marriage to Prince Charles had completely fallen apart.  Her kind acts at Harlem Hospital showed kindness to the children, it showed people around the world that there was a need to be kind to AIDS victims, and it gave her a feeling of accomplishment that she wasn’t finding in her royal and personal life.

In 1991, Princess Diana paid another visit to the AIDS ward at Middlesex Hospital in London.  This time she was accompanied by the First Lady of the United States, Barbara Bush.  As they were chatting with a bedridden AIDS patient, he burst into tears.  Diana reached over, put her arms around him, and hugged him.  The moment had a profound impact on Barbara Bush, as well as others around them.  Barbara was also a champion for helping those in the United States understand compassion for those with AIDS. 

Kindness Rippled Throughout the World

Princess Diana’s kind act had a ripple effect throughout the world.  In addition to inspiring those around her, people who viewed her visits began to better understand and be less afraid of the disease. 

While Diana passed her kindness along to the AIDS victims she visited, she also created the feeling of kindness for those who witnessed her acts in person and those who saw her on television.  Her kindness also had an impact on herself.  Diana later described her visit as a “stepping stone” in her own quest for finding fulfillment and a sense of purpose.  Diana’s acts of kindness impacted others, but it also had a positive effect on her own life.

Kindness is powerful.  It can be powerful for you by just starting with one small step. 

Scientific research is soaring into the study of human kindness.  In one major study, psychologists created a list of ten categories of ‘values’, then asked people to identify what they considered to be the most important core value.  The values were: having an excellent life, hedonism, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, obedience, seeking social justice, and seeking power.  According to University of London psychologist, Anat Bardi,

kindness was always ranked number one, even though the study was done in dozens of countries.

It’s easy to underestimate the significance of one small act of kindness.  But one small act of kindness can be both small AND powerful.  So often, when we start a habit, we want to ‘Go Big’.  We set these large goals, like, “I want to lose 50 pounds”, or “I’m going to exercise every day,” or “I’m going to drink 60 ounces of water a day.”  While those are admirable goals, they can quickly become unsustainable because it takes a lot of motivation to reach them.  It’s the same with kindness.  Instead of starting with a big kindness project, just work on developing your kindness muscles by starting with one small act of kindness each day.  Maybe it’s opening the door for someone, or texting a nice note to a friend, or pulling in your neighbor’s trash can, or calling a sibling/child/grandparent/old friend.

Feel More in Control and More Competent

Research proves that small acts of kindness can help you feel more in control and more competent at work.  In Madrid, Spain, a team of psychologists recruited volunteers to participate in a ‘happiness’ study at the Coca Cola plant there.  The volunteers were asked to write down any acts of generosity that they performed each day, along with their mood at the time.  Without the volunteers knowing it, the psychologists selected 19 people from the group and asked them to perform ‘extra’ little acts of kindness, but only for one half of the group of volunteers.  The other half (the control group) weren’t showered with special kind acts by these 19. The study lasted for a month.  Some of the acts included things like, getting coffee for a co-worker and writing nice notes for others, just small acts of kindness.

By the end of the month, the people who had received special kindnesses reported 10 times more prosocial behaviors than the control group.  This meant that there were 10 times as many additional acts of kindness from this group after they had been given some kindness. They also noted that the person who received the initial kindness didn’t just reciprocate to the giver.  They also shared kindness with others in the workplace.  The original kind acts had a multiplying effect.

Significantly, the people who received kind acts also felt more in control of their day’s work than the control group and they were much happier. 

The ‘givers’ also benefited.  The people who had been chosen to deliver the initial kindnesses saw their sense of control, their happiness, and their feelings of competency increase, too.  These givers actually saw their happiness increase even more than those who had received their kindness.

This study clearly demonstrates the benefits to those who received kindness, to those who gave kindness, and to others around them.  For those of you who are working, note that the people who received and gave kindness both felt increased competency in their work. 

Here’s How You Can Benefit From Being Kind 

So what does this mean for you?  Most of us have been told since we were little to be kind because it’s the right thing to do.  But now, backed by scientific results, we know that kindness has specific benefits for you.  By doing a simple act of kindness on a daily basis you can have a powerful impact on your own life, in addition to positively impacting others.  Each act of kindness that you perform will start to increase your sense of self-worth.  Your kind act will help you feel more competent and valuable.  And your kind act will increase your happiness.  You can have a powerful, positive impact on your own life, just by developing your kindness habits and practicing them on a daily basis.  And the best news is, it’s free and easy to do.  You just need to start with one small act of kindness today and start building your own kindness habits.  

Ideas to Kickstart Your Kindness Habits

• Give a co-worker a compliment

• Give a stranger a compliment

• Thank a teacher with a note or small gift

• Send a note card to a friend (instead of texting them)

• Put a sticky on a co-worker’s desk with an attribute you like about them

• Ask the grocery checker how their day is going

• Tell your spouse/partner that you appreciate them

• Put your phone away (and on mute) when you are having a conversation with someone

• Make some cookies for a neighbor

• Send a small gift to your children, not because it’s a birthday or event, but such because you love them

• Share a favorite recipe with a friend

• Let someone behind you in line at the store go in front of you

• Leave a generous tip and a note on the receipt for your server telling them how much you appreciated them

• Take the trash out without being asked

• Call a friend you haven’t talk with in a while

Summary

The scientific community is expanding research into the behavior of kindness.  Study results demonstrate a clear connection between acts of kindness, no matter how small, and increased happiness, a feeling of control, and feelings of competency.  These results benefit the giver, the receiver, and others.  In addition to the scientific research, there are many examples of kind acts that are happening all over the world on a daily basis.  Small acts of kindness can be powerful.  You just need to start with one small act today.

Start Small.  Start Now. 

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Comments are always appreciated and encouraged. I especially love to hear about your acts of kindness!