Your husband sounds like my kind of guy. I often make an attempt at some small communication in the language of the venue and although my wife sometimes cringes, I always get a smile.
Good for you, Jim. When we put aside our fear of looking/feeling stupid for trying to speak a language we aren't familiar with, we open up lots of possibilities for human connection.
I think it was a TikTok video that encouraged me to always use a person's name when possible, like at the checkout or anywhere else you see a name tag. I'll just say, "Thanks, Jim!" or whatever. Same idea: creating just a little bit of connection. Can't say for certain whether it's appreciated but it's a habit now so I keep doing it. :)
That's an awesome 'kindness' habit, Rick. And that's part of the key to kindness....creating small kind habits, just like you do by saying someone's name. People just want to be appreciated and recognized. You do that when you call them by name. By the way, there are plenty of studies that show that using someone's name when you talk to them is a significant way to create respect and build rapport. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for you!
Rick, I can assure you it's appreciated. Especially in the service industry. I worked in restaurants for many years and it always delighted me when my customers used my name. It indicated that they actually listened when I introduced myself. 😊
Been doing that ever since they were invented. In the early days the usual response was "How do you know my name ?" Usually followed by a blushing realization, then a laugh. Always works well. Lovely
This post made my day 😁😁 Mostly because I can totally relate from back in my travel days. Nothing tops human connections with people of different cultures!
Thanks for sharing this Heather. What a great start to my day!
I'm the guy who drives around with "Wash Me" written in Russian or Azerbaijani on my dusty back window. My kids were born in Africa, but we moved home when they were toddlers. It wasn't until we left for another big adventure in the former Soviet Union that they started learning languages. My wife hired a tutor for Russian language lessons from a former university Russian teacher, so my daughter has good grammar and a posh Moscow accent. My son was too impatient for all that, and he learned his Russian from the office drivers and maintenance guy, so he has more of a truck driver accent and grammar that my daughter constantly corrects. They both learned street Azerbaijani from their friends and are fairly fluent.
Back home, they use their language skills to eavesdrop (there are many Russian immigrants in the Northwest), buy things at a local Russian store, and have amazing serendipitous conversations with people who are shocked, then happy to chat with someone in Idaho who can speak their languages. They also use their skills to argue with or insult one another or to make plans they want to keep to themselves.
And because of her love of languages, during my daughter's university years, she studied Arabic, and also finished a Masters in speech therapy.
In the springtime here in our valley, a couple of bands of sheep arrive with about 2000 sheep in each band. The sheepherders, traditionally Basque, now come mostly from Peru. I became friends with Pablo, who has worked here half a year for the past twelve years, six years ago and we discovered I visited his home village several times, which created an instant bond. Any time I see him with the sheep on a cold, frosty winter morning, I drive to the coffee shop and buy him a cafe' con leche y sucre that leaves him with a huge smile, and me,too.
Oh my gosh. What wonderful experiences for you and for your children. Thank you so much for sharing all of this. Look at all of the doors that were opened because of learning other languages! (And I love the little 'eavesdrop' humor with your kids !) And how your life has been uplifted through your connection to Pablo. (Glad he likes milk and sugar - my kinda guy!)
All of this can be started with just one tiny little habit or saying 'hola' or 'gracias' (or something similar) and giving it a try. Do it enough times and it becomes part of 'your' language.
You never cease to amaze me with your stories from afar - are you sure you shouldn't be writing a book / autobiography? To my recollection, Peru isn't quite on the way between Africa and the former Soviet Union. I'm sure you have hundreds of stories from nearly all the Podunk's that there are. Thanks for bringing up such worldly kids.
My kids grew up without t.v. and screens mostly. The house we lived in was fully furnished, including with t.v.s, so we let the kids watch game shows and sports, all of which were either in Azeri or Russian. Heh. They even watched a few Old USSR movies.
I am seriously thinking about a memoir and part of the Switter's World mission is to build a stash of stories to work with.
did bounce around a lot. I mentioned somewhere that the longest trip I ever took mentally was from a couple weeks in South Sudan, a week or so in Germany, then Frankfurt to Miami, to Haiti. I took awhile for my mind to process all that travel. Another time I flew from WDC to Tokyo to Singapore to Jakarta for three days and twelve time zones. I return home by the same route, spent two days at home and at the office, then got on another flight from WDC to Frankfurt to Rome for a week before returning home again by the same route. It took a few weeks for my soul to catch up with my body. I definitely burned the candle from both ends a few times.
I feel like I was a stay-at-home Dad in comparison as I read about all your travels. You're a great storyteller and you've got such a broad perspective that you would put a face on people we're completely blind to.
Yeah, keep it going down the generations. We have a centuries old tradition of languages in my family, which most of my kids have embraced. Peace, Maurice
My Spanish is very spotty but I'm still learning and beginning to break the conversation shell. Hope to make more progress this year. I have people who speak Spanish living in the same complex I'm in ... I have no excuses!
When I saw the photos, I could actually SMELL Colima's, like I was walking into the place. ¡Que tan sabrosa! Such nostalgia, so many memories of time spent in Jalisco. I would probably eat there every week were I in your town! Thanks for stirring this reverie, Heather. And kudos to your dear husband who understands that it is the EFFORT that makes the connection, not the expertise in the language! Lovely piece.
Great post and so relevant. Any effort to step into someone else's world certainly seems like a generous gesture. I too appreciate what you all are doing esp. your husband.
Earlier this morning I bought a quart of milk for $4 at our small local Mexican food store and deli - but it was worth $4 because I ran into a new cashier. He knows as little English as I know Spanish and we went back and forth each in our own second language - both enjoying the challenge. Generically, my favorite line for Mexican restaurants is uttered to the server after I've emptied my plate - Es desmasiado tarde para decir que no me gusta la comida? (Is it too late to say I don't like the food? It always gets a laugh regardless of how busy they are. BTW, I do the same in English for the rest of my rare restaurant visits.
Here in Nederland they never ask one how one SPELLS one's name.... they ask one how one WRITES it. To which I always reply "With a pen". Invariably there is a blank moment before the staff and clients suddenly howl with laughter. .... Get's one known ! Peace, Maurice
Love this! Hubby is the same way. He has to work extra hard tho to not take on a British accent if he's talking to a Brit. Haha.
We both learned French growing up but couldn't use it is Paris. That beautiful Mandela quote does not pertain to Parisians. If you can't speak French perfectly, don't bother.
And now we must learn Italian. Our daughter speaks fluently and is marrying an Italian in Sept.
My Mom was a Brit and even after years away she still became much more 'British' when she encountered another Brit. She would have liked your hubby!
Funny about Paris....Sharron Bassano said essentially the same thing in her comment. And my first and I had the same experience there. Maybe because I spoke French with an American accent!
Ah, Italian. Do you have to learn the hand movements as well? It seems like such a beautifully expressive language. Where's the wedding?
Language is so important and when we speak in another's language, it brings added connection no matter how bad the accent. I speak a little Spanish, and the woman who has helped me raise our kids and keep our house semi-clean is from El Salvador. Her English is excellent, but I often reach out in Spanish with a short sentence, which always makes her smile.
We live in France, have done for a year. We are still in the shallow waters of 'transactional' French with aspirations to roll fluidly around the marché chatting to all our local stall holders. Occasionally we surprise ourselves, and them, with a turn of phrase. We will get better this year. And the year after. Onwards. Allez
That's how I learned my mother tongue, and after some French basics in school, all my other languages, as I drifted Europe, some 50 years ago.... and now I am back on that hat is home journey. Peace, Maurice
I remember one of my friends saying "I only know enough Spanish to get me into a fight at Taco Bell." I gave her side-eye before busting a gut laughing, because, well... it's Taco Bell. America's version of cheap-as-fuck Mexican food, not REAL Mexican food. That place looks pretty authentic. To answer your questions:
What language(s) do you speak? I only speak English. With a British accent. Yes, there's a story there and if you dig in the weeds on my blog, you'll find it. LOL
Where could you try speaking another language near you this week? If I knew how to speak an Asian language, I'd try it out at the 2-day Asian Festival going on this weekend in my hometown. I love both the Chinese and Japanese languages (from watching all those martial arts movies, I guess. LOL)
Hi Heather. My father gifted me his passion for languages. It's a part of our long, long family history. Having pretty comprehensively drifted around Europe, +2yrs in Arabia, I found kindness everywhere.... the principle key was always language attempts. My own passion is the linked etymology of older EU tongues. I have so many stories yet to post... Fortunately I have another 311 years to do them.... But that's another story . Kind regards and peace, Maurice
Hi Heather, thanks for your interest, From May to Dec, each Wednesday, I posted my own and family stories mixed with climate articles. Now I have separated them.... Climate stuff Sundays. I am t'Otherwith Boy, Samuel Savourie was my fathers forged wartime cover ID. Our DNA goes back over 5,ooo years. I hope you enjoy reading us. Peace, Maurice.
Thanks for subscribing Heather, Children of the Aftermath, then t'Otherwith boy, is me growing up in autistic confusion, which I now embrace as a blessing of creativity. Samuel Savourie was my Dad's forged cover in the French Resistance. Coming soon is Big City Boy, and Great Gramps who Built a fleet of canal boats for his sons to run. Hope you enjoy ....
Your husband sounds like my kind of guy. I often make an attempt at some small communication in the language of the venue and although my wife sometimes cringes, I always get a smile.
Good for you, Jim. When we put aside our fear of looking/feeling stupid for trying to speak a language we aren't familiar with, we open up lots of possibilities for human connection.
Well said, Heather.
Yeah, that old fear of looking stupid. If I could cut one part out of my head that would be it!
Ditto!
I think it was a TikTok video that encouraged me to always use a person's name when possible, like at the checkout or anywhere else you see a name tag. I'll just say, "Thanks, Jim!" or whatever. Same idea: creating just a little bit of connection. Can't say for certain whether it's appreciated but it's a habit now so I keep doing it. :)
That's an awesome 'kindness' habit, Rick. And that's part of the key to kindness....creating small kind habits, just like you do by saying someone's name. People just want to be appreciated and recognized. You do that when you call them by name. By the way, there are plenty of studies that show that using someone's name when you talk to them is a significant way to create respect and build rapport. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for you!
Rick, I can assure you it's appreciated. Especially in the service industry. I worked in restaurants for many years and it always delighted me when my customers used my name. It indicated that they actually listened when I introduced myself. 😊
Been doing that ever since they were invented. In the early days the usual response was "How do you know my name ?" Usually followed by a blushing realization, then a laugh. Always works well. Lovely
This post made my day 😁😁 Mostly because I can totally relate from back in my travel days. Nothing tops human connections with people of different cultures!
Thanks for sharing this Heather. What a great start to my day!
Thanks for telling me this, Kristi. I imagine you have a ton of beautiful stories about connecting with people from different cultures!
I do! And I'll be publishing some of them in the future. I really enjoyed reading this one 😊
I so wholeheartedly agree - it's wonderful to make the connection and lessen the perception that we're so different.
Hey Mark..... We Are Different....... the Connection means that we are different Together, n'est ce pas ?. Peace, Maurice
I'm the guy who drives around with "Wash Me" written in Russian or Azerbaijani on my dusty back window. My kids were born in Africa, but we moved home when they were toddlers. It wasn't until we left for another big adventure in the former Soviet Union that they started learning languages. My wife hired a tutor for Russian language lessons from a former university Russian teacher, so my daughter has good grammar and a posh Moscow accent. My son was too impatient for all that, and he learned his Russian from the office drivers and maintenance guy, so he has more of a truck driver accent and grammar that my daughter constantly corrects. They both learned street Azerbaijani from their friends and are fairly fluent.
Back home, they use their language skills to eavesdrop (there are many Russian immigrants in the Northwest), buy things at a local Russian store, and have amazing serendipitous conversations with people who are shocked, then happy to chat with someone in Idaho who can speak their languages. They also use their skills to argue with or insult one another or to make plans they want to keep to themselves.
And because of her love of languages, during my daughter's university years, she studied Arabic, and also finished a Masters in speech therapy.
In the springtime here in our valley, a couple of bands of sheep arrive with about 2000 sheep in each band. The sheepherders, traditionally Basque, now come mostly from Peru. I became friends with Pablo, who has worked here half a year for the past twelve years, six years ago and we discovered I visited his home village several times, which created an instant bond. Any time I see him with the sheep on a cold, frosty winter morning, I drive to the coffee shop and buy him a cafe' con leche y sucre that leaves him with a huge smile, and me,too.
Oh my gosh. What wonderful experiences for you and for your children. Thank you so much for sharing all of this. Look at all of the doors that were opened because of learning other languages! (And I love the little 'eavesdrop' humor with your kids !) And how your life has been uplifted through your connection to Pablo. (Glad he likes milk and sugar - my kinda guy!)
All of this can be started with just one tiny little habit or saying 'hola' or 'gracias' (or something similar) and giving it a try. Do it enough times and it becomes part of 'your' language.
Si!
Mais oui, aber sicher, och aye, dat klopt !!
Спасибо!
You never cease to amaze me with your stories from afar - are you sure you shouldn't be writing a book / autobiography? To my recollection, Peru isn't quite on the way between Africa and the former Soviet Union. I'm sure you have hundreds of stories from nearly all the Podunk's that there are. Thanks for bringing up such worldly kids.
My kids grew up without t.v. and screens mostly. The house we lived in was fully furnished, including with t.v.s, so we let the kids watch game shows and sports, all of which were either in Azeri or Russian. Heh. They even watched a few Old USSR movies.
I am seriously thinking about a memoir and part of the Switter's World mission is to build a stash of stories to work with.
did bounce around a lot. I mentioned somewhere that the longest trip I ever took mentally was from a couple weeks in South Sudan, a week or so in Germany, then Frankfurt to Miami, to Haiti. I took awhile for my mind to process all that travel. Another time I flew from WDC to Tokyo to Singapore to Jakarta for three days and twelve time zones. I return home by the same route, spent two days at home and at the office, then got on another flight from WDC to Frankfurt to Rome for a week before returning home again by the same route. It took a few weeks for my soul to catch up with my body. I definitely burned the candle from both ends a few times.
I feel like I was a stay-at-home Dad in comparison as I read about all your travels. You're a great storyteller and you've got such a broad perspective that you would put a face on people we're completely blind to.
Yeah, keep it going down the generations. We have a centuries old tradition of languages in my family, which most of my kids have embraced. Peace, Maurice
Their minds are ravenous when they are young. Help them fill them with good things.
Thanks ... language is a great connector and it doesn't take much to spark the connection.
You are so right, Joyce. I imagine you had plenty of conversations during your time in Mexico.
My Spanish is very spotty but I'm still learning and beginning to break the conversation shell. Hope to make more progress this year. I have people who speak Spanish living in the same complex I'm in ... I have no excuses!
You go, girl!
sparks make matches
Thanks! I'm working at collecting sparks.
When I saw the photos, I could actually SMELL Colima's, like I was walking into the place. ¡Que tan sabrosa! Such nostalgia, so many memories of time spent in Jalisco. I would probably eat there every week were I in your town! Thanks for stirring this reverie, Heather. And kudos to your dear husband who understands that it is the EFFORT that makes the connection, not the expertise in the language! Lovely piece.
Thank you, Sharron. I'm glad it stirred up fond (and aromatic) memories!
My husband doesn't worry about what other people think, so it's easy for him to give it a try. That's a bit of his secret sauce!
I believe your husband's attitude about language use would be welcome anywhere in the world... except for Paris. Ha ha ha.
Oh, ha ha. I was in Paris years ago (with my first husband). I know what you mean....and I spoke French.
The effort truly is where the money is (I think most people on this site know I'm not being literal)
And it doesn't take too long, before the effort becomes EFFORTLESS, an expertise in itself, n'est ce pas ? Peace, Maurice
Absolutely. Living IN the culture, listening to the "noise" surrounding you, the music, the tv really hastens the process!
Great post and so relevant. Any effort to step into someone else's world certainly seems like a generous gesture. I too appreciate what you all are doing esp. your husband.
Earlier this morning I bought a quart of milk for $4 at our small local Mexican food store and deli - but it was worth $4 because I ran into a new cashier. He knows as little English as I know Spanish and we went back and forth each in our own second language - both enjoying the challenge. Generically, my favorite line for Mexican restaurants is uttered to the server after I've emptied my plate - Es desmasiado tarde para decir que no me gusta la comida? (Is it too late to say I don't like the food? It always gets a laugh regardless of how busy they are. BTW, I do the same in English for the rest of my rare restaurant visits.
Ha Ha. I love your line in Spanish!
Wow. That's pricey milk...but cool that you got to have a bilingual chat!
Thanks for taking the time to read this, Mark. Looks like you already have the 'language kindness habit'.
Here in Nederland they never ask one how one SPELLS one's name.... they ask one how one WRITES it. To which I always reply "With a pen". Invariably there is a blank moment before the staff and clients suddenly howl with laughter. .... Get's one known ! Peace, Maurice
And Peace to you as well, Maurice
Love this! Hubby is the same way. He has to work extra hard tho to not take on a British accent if he's talking to a Brit. Haha.
We both learned French growing up but couldn't use it is Paris. That beautiful Mandela quote does not pertain to Parisians. If you can't speak French perfectly, don't bother.
And now we must learn Italian. Our daughter speaks fluently and is marrying an Italian in Sept.
My Mom was a Brit and even after years away she still became much more 'British' when she encountered another Brit. She would have liked your hubby!
Funny about Paris....Sharron Bassano said essentially the same thing in her comment. And my first and I had the same experience there. Maybe because I spoke French with an American accent!
Ah, Italian. Do you have to learn the hand movements as well? It seems like such a beautifully expressive language. Where's the wedding?
That's right. I remember you mentioned your ma was a Brit. It's hard to not take on the accent when talking to one.
The only problem with Paris are the Parisians. Hehe.
I already have the Italian hand movements. Italians-- Jews-- the only difference is the undershirt. 😉
Wedding in Tuscany!!
Oh my....Under the Tuscan Sun! I'm excited... and I'm just reading about it!
Language is so important and when we speak in another's language, it brings added connection no matter how bad the accent. I speak a little Spanish, and the woman who has helped me raise our kids and keep our house semi-clean is from El Salvador. Her English is excellent, but I often reach out in Spanish with a short sentence, which always makes her smile.
Good for you, Jill. It's amazing how a few simple words can build a connection.
I like the sound of Bill. Nice fella.
We live in France, have done for a year. We are still in the shallow waters of 'transactional' French with aspirations to roll fluidly around the marché chatting to all our local stall holders. Occasionally we surprise ourselves, and them, with a turn of phrase. We will get better this year. And the year after. Onwards. Allez
What a beautiful and immersive way to learn French!
And yes...nice fella! Thank you.
Immersive. That’s exactly what we need to do more of.
That's how I learned my mother tongue, and after some French basics in school, all my other languages, as I drifted Europe, some 50 years ago.... and now I am back on that hat is home journey. Peace, Maurice
That is very encouraging for our own learning, Maurice. Thank you
I remember one of my friends saying "I only know enough Spanish to get me into a fight at Taco Bell." I gave her side-eye before busting a gut laughing, because, well... it's Taco Bell. America's version of cheap-as-fuck Mexican food, not REAL Mexican food. That place looks pretty authentic. To answer your questions:
What language(s) do you speak? I only speak English. With a British accent. Yes, there's a story there and if you dig in the weeds on my blog, you'll find it. LOL
Where could you try speaking another language near you this week? If I knew how to speak an Asian language, I'd try it out at the 2-day Asian Festival going on this weekend in my hometown. I love both the Chinese and Japanese languages (from watching all those martial arts movies, I guess. LOL)
Gonna have to go digging in that blog....the mystery begins!
Hi Heather. My father gifted me his passion for languages. It's a part of our long, long family history. Having pretty comprehensively drifted around Europe, +2yrs in Arabia, I found kindness everywhere.... the principle key was always language attempts. My own passion is the linked etymology of older EU tongues. I have so many stories yet to post... Fortunately I have another 311 years to do them.... But that's another story . Kind regards and peace, Maurice
Hi Maurice. Thanks for sharing that. I would love to hear about your family history and the gift of languages from your father.
You are so right...there IS kindness everywhere.
I'm glad you have so long to post your stories....that, in itself sounds like a story.
Hi Heather, thanks for your interest, From May to Dec, each Wednesday, I posted my own and family stories mixed with climate articles. Now I have separated them.... Climate stuff Sundays. I am t'Otherwith Boy, Samuel Savourie was my fathers forged wartime cover ID. Our DNA goes back over 5,ooo years. I hope you enjoy reading us. Peace, Maurice.
Just subscribed.
Thanks for subscribing Heather, Children of the Aftermath, then t'Otherwith boy, is me growing up in autistic confusion, which I now embrace as a blessing of creativity. Samuel Savourie was my Dad's forged cover in the French Resistance. Coming soon is Big City Boy, and Great Gramps who Built a fleet of canal boats for his sons to run. Hope you enjoy ....