Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word; The Slap Heard Around the World; Golf Lessons

"When you forgive, you free your soul. But when you say I'm sorry, you free two souls." — Look Into the Stillness by Donald L. Hicks

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Is it just me, or do you find it hard to say “I’m sorry”? Do you struggle with the emotional feelings of saying those simple words? Do you feel a little squirmy when you think about actually apologizing?

It turns out, when we apologize, we are actually being kind, both to ourselves and to others. I don’t mean those hollow, insincere apologies. Like, “I’m sorry. But you really shouldn’t have been so insensitive.” Or, “I’m sorry for whatever you think I did.” Nope, those don’t count as kind.

Hey, we all make mistakes. We all say or do unkind things. We are human. Unless you are AI. You’re not, are you?

Take the 94th Academy awards in 2022 when Will Smith walked onto the stage and slapped Chris Rock after he joked about Smith’s wife. It’s now known as ‘the slap that was heard around the world.’ Now there’s something worthy of an apology.

Eight months later, Smith tried to apologize on a YouTube video. Not exactly an intimate apology and, truthfully, for as good of an actor as Will Smith is, this video seemed a little lacking in emotion. Well, actually, a lot lacking. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Too bad, too, because an apology has an almost magical power to heal relationships. We can’t undo what we said, but an apology can go a long way toward reducing negative feelings. In fact, when you apologize you actually affect the other person physically. Their blood pressure goes down, their heart rate slows and their breathing becomes steadier. Pretty powerful.

There’s also a much bigger chance that you’ll be forgiven if you apologize.

So if apologizing is so magical, why do we often find it so hard to say those little words? Humans are complicated!

There are plenty of reasons why we don’t apologize, even when we know we messed up, even when we know an apology could make things better.

• We feel embarrassed by what we did

• We feel ashamed

• Apologizing may reduce your self-esteem

• We are disappointed in ourselves

• We are afraid that we’ll be rejected even after we apologize

• We don’t want to admit that we were wrong

• We feel the other person is also to blame and they should apologize first

• We’re afraid that we’ll make the situation worse

• We don’t know what to say or how to say it

There’s a lot of research on apologizing, but you know me. I like to keep it simple. So when you need to say, “I’m sorry,” here are 5 steps to help you be the best ‘apologizer’ on the planet. And if you happen to know Will Smith, maybe you’d like to share these with him. 🙂

✅ Recognize that you made a mistake and think about what you did that hurt the other person. You feel bad. But remember, they feel bad, too. Take a deep breath. It’ll be ok.

✅ Say you’re sorry. Are you squirming, maybe just a little? I can feel myself squirming when I screw up and need to apologize. Keep it simple. “I’m sorry.”

TIP: Do not attach the word ‘but’ to your apology. ‘But’ negates everything you said before it. “I’m really sorry I yelled at you, but you just caught me at a bad time.” Nope. Don’t say that.

✅ Take ownership for your actions without trying to justify what you did. “I’m really sorry for yelling at you when I was cooking dinner. Even though I wasn’t feeling great, that’s no excuse for being short with you. I’ll try not to let that happen again.”

✅ Give the person the chance to say how they feel. This part can be hard. Be a good listener. They have hurt feelings and it’s important to let them say how they feel without getting upset.

✅ This is a good time for you to respond with, “Thank you for sharing that. I am sorry for upsetting you.”

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My Apology Story

Last year my husband was helping me out on the driving range with my golf swing. I was trying something new. One miscalculated swing and I sliced the ball directly right into his chest.🏌️‍♂️ Pretty hard to do considering he was only about 10 feet away. Talk about being embarrassed, not to mention wondering if I had shortened his lifespan.

Now there was a great chance to practice my apology skills. Fortunately, I think he has forgiven me.

Do you have an apology story to share in the comments below?

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Thanks for joining me this week.

May your week be filled with kindness. 💜

PS - Visit the Kindness Magnet Library for a collection of all the articles. If you’re a pet owner, you might enjoy reading how dogs can catch Emotional Contagion.

PPS - “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” was co-written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin in 1975! Written about a romantic relationship that was falling apart, the lyrics also have meaning for anyone who needs to apologize.

If you have a few minutes, enjoy this rendition by ‘Blue’ and featuring Elton John: